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Larry David Tells the “Idiots Out There” To Stay Home and Watch TV

"You're hurting old people like me. Well, not me. I'll never see you."

Someone at the California governor’s office roped Larry David into recording a PSA promoting the state’s “Stay at Home Save Livescoronavirus campaign. We know this because, in typical David fashion, he said so with no regard for normal decorum.

“Obviously, somebody put me up to this cause it’s generally not the kind of thing I do,” he says at the outset of the spot, leaning forward in his chair as if he’s sharing a secret with the camera.

“I basically want to address the idiots out there,” he continues. “And you know who you are. You’re going out, I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re socializing too close, it’s not good. You’re hurting old people like me.”

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If anyone else was talking you’d probably assume that an earnest scold aimed at those who aren’t practicing proper social distancing was on the way. But because it’s Larry David, that doesn’t happen.

After clarifying that they won’t hurt him — “I have nothing to do with you. I’ll never see you.” — David instead scolds them for a different reason.

“The problem is you’re passing up a fantastic opportunity, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to stay in the house, sit on the couch, and watch TV. I mean I don’t know how you pass that up. Well, maybe ’cause you’re not that bright.”

The tongue-in-cheek bit continues as the comedian points to his own Curb Your Enthusiasm as further evidence of the rightness of his argument: It’s not just that inside is good, it’s that outside is bad.

“If you’ve seen my show, nothing good ever happens going out of the house, you know that. There’s just trouble out there. It’s not a good place to be.”

It’s an entertaining, uniquely Davidesque spot, but his real contribution to the cause are the nine seasons of Seinfeld on Hulu and the nearly ten seasons of Curb on HBO’s streaming platforms. Having TV this funny to watch is a good reason for even the most hardcore coronavirus skeptics to stay home.